Tuesday, 6 June 2017
PREMARITAL FUNDAMENTALS-A comprehensible guide to a formidable marital foundation
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1521352240
Monday, 22 May 2017
Premarital Fundamentals excerpt
To build and maintain a solid foundation for marital relationships requires that the partners develop BASIC UNDERSTANDING about each other’s life style, character, likes, hobbies, weakness, strength, and basic understanding about so many other things. And that is what purpose driven courtship does. These days, courtship is taken as a time to engage in marathon sex, enjoy and merry. Premarital sex is completely against the rule of ideal courtship. Courtship is a time to get to know each other a little bit more and find out if you guys are compatible enough to make a harmonious relationship. The partners need the basic understanding that they are not perfect beings so they must to create rooms for surprises in form of disappointments. Yes, disappointment. I liken this to a shock absorber built in a car. The impacts of a car passing through pot holes with its shock absorber are minimal. So preparing for surprises minimizes shocks when the other person behaves as least as expected. This will enable you to withstand any shock and prepare you on how best to handle such. Foundation for marital relationship requires that the partners have the basic understanding that marriage is not a bed of roses, it is not always smooth and sometimes it could be rough. Couples may have romantic experience today and have a quarrelsome tomorrow. Some come into the institution hoping that ‘my man’ will provide me with all that my parents couldn’t provide for me. Well, that is unrealistic. Sometimes, a partner may remember a terrible experience and that could affect his or her moment or even romantic life. At such times, you don’t expect your marriage to be rosy, it is rather a time to understand and support.(an excerpt from our e-book-PREMARITAL FUNDAMENTALS BY Chisom UdoChukwu Anyanwu)
Sunday, 7 May 2017
PRESIDENT BUHARI EMBACKS ON A MEDICAL TRIP TO LONDON
President Buhari travels back to London for 'medical follow up' according to his special adviser Femi. The president's duration will be determined by his Doctors.
On his twitter handle, Femi writes 'PMB travels tonight for medical follow-up. Length of stay to be determined by London doctors.Govt to function normally under VP.
On his twitter handle, Femi writes 'PMB travels tonight for medical follow-up. Length of stay to be determined by London doctors.Govt to function normally under VP.
Thursday, 27 April 2017
IT PAYS TO WAIT
I have the urge to encourage those beautiful queens who have
decided to maintain Gods standard as it relates to sex before marriage
especially those, who by such decision have remained unbroken. I read the case
of teenager who was being mocked for choosing to remain a virgin. Well that is
not unusual; we live in a society where abstinence has little or no value.
I heard the story of man who went to honor a parents and teachers
meeting invitation in his son’s school. Well the goal of the meeting was to
demonstrate to the parents what the school is doing to encourage abstinence.
After a while in the meeting, there was a break and the principal asked that
everybody move back for light refreshment. He also encouraged everybody to pick
a name tag and fix it on their cloth and then move around and have handshakes
with people. Everybody except the man did as the principal said. The principal
did all he could to push the man do what the others were doing but the man had
a firm resolution not to join the others in what they are doing so he absolutely
abstained. At the end, the principal explained that there is a name tag that
has a flower shape, ‘who has it?’ one man behind said ‘I do.’ So the man came
out, and the principal identified the people that had a direct and indirect
handshake with him. At the end, virtually everybody had a direct or indirect
handshake with the man.
The principal maintained that it is assumed that the flower
is HIV while the handshake is a mode of transmission. That being the case, it
implies everybody has knowingly or unknowingly contracted the virus. Finally he
explained that there was an exception-someone who refused to compromise his
stand, he abstained from doing what the others are doing.
And that is the key lesson in this story-total abstinence,
refusal to compromise a standard pays.
To remain pure, you must be mindful of the friends you keep.
Some friends have lost what you have and may try to lure you into their court. They
may mock you and laugh at you. May I give you a key? If they mock you, tell
them you know whom you and where you are. You are what you are and they are
what they are you can be where they are at any time of your choice but they
cannot be where you are anymore. Give yourself such encouragement. Go with
people of a like mind. If possible, discuss what have helped you to remain
pure, some of the challenges and how to overcome it among yourselves-(people of
a like mind).
Write out your reasons for abstaining and remind yourself of
the reasons more often
Chose and Control the environment/situations you visit
Recall that it is challenging to move against the crowd
Avoid sexual behaviors or sexually related activities that
can compromise your standard.
So I encourage those our damsels to maintain their standard
and do not compromise in that aspect. Do not be pushed by what the others are
doing but be resolute about maintaining the standard-in this case the Bible
standard.
It really pays beside; you are saving yourself from so much harm
if you have decided to remain pure
Sunday, 23 April 2017
THE AUDACITY OF ARGUMENT AMONG COUPLES
Normally, argument is a conversation/discussion in which two or more
people disagree, often angrily. So in this context we are talking about
the audacity of argument among married people or people that intend to
marry. Because of the difference in oneness, couples sometimes have
different views about an issue, consequently, while expressing their
different views in other to come to a conclusion, they may engage in
such a discussion. Ideally, discussions should not be hurtful. It is a
way of expressing individual views. But in practice, it is not so.
Couples argue in which most times result to exchange of bitter words,
fighting disenchantment disrespect etc. Arguments handled in the
most responsible way enable the couple chose the best available option
before them and for this to happen, the woman must learn how best to
present issues such that it will not be construed to mean a different
thing and the man must understand that women sometimes present issues in
a manner that differs from their intending meanings.
I see arguments among couples as being brave and rude because they can nurture painful feelings and cause bitter experiences. Some other times, it results to fight, exchange of bitter and disrespectful words and causes the woman to feel unloved. Arguments have the tenacity to rid the happy family life and breed a low self esteem feeling within one person or more. This kind of argument is unhealthy in the happy family life.
Couples argue because they fail to understand each other and when one person develops unhealthy desire to prove a ‘rightful’ position
When they argue, the man becomes defensive and tries to invalidate the woman’s feelings; he fails to listen to the woman’s point of view but tries to prove the woman wrong when she is convinced to be right. When couples argue, the woman’s primary need is a listening ear so she craves to be heard, she just needed someone who can just listen to her and see reasons with her while the man is defensive, he gives a whole lot of reasons to prove and establish his cause.
As I said earlier, it is not bad to argue, but one of the things that make it bad is the tune of the woman in raising her view. This sends a wrong signal to the man which ignites fire in him through her tune of expression. The man being unaware of her intention gives a different meaning to the woman’s views and these, result to arguments. Let us consider some examples to buttress this point.
When the man comes back to the house at late hours: Many women hate such-the man coming back to the house at late hour especially when there is no justifiable cause. One of the primary love tips of women is companionship and communication through conversation. So when the man is not available to give her the company and listening ear she needed, she nurses some form of animosity and resentment within her. Consequently, she is feels shortchanged because of the man’s absence. When the man eventually returns, she may ask in an unfriendly manner such questions as ‘why must you always come back late to this house?’ Now the point she is trying to establish is that she really missed him, she needed him to keep her company and give her a listening ear. But what the man hears is ‘why are you so irresponsible that you are fond of wrong doing in this house of ours?’ Again the man sees that question as being commanding consequently he feels bad and insulted.
The man may feel that the woman is not even appreciative of his efforts to make ends meet in the house instead; she resorts to being rude insulting and commanding is his house. And of cause, he has to defend himself and give reasons for his late coming. Then, he may assert that she is unappreciative and senseless. He may ask ‘are you not aware that I am supposed to join an executive meeting that lasts for hours after work? The man is trying to defend his coming late in the most unfriendly manner because of the meaning he got from the woman’s question while the woman is wallowing in pains because he has failed to understand her, listen to her views. Of cause, the woman didn’t mean to call her man an irresponsible man but what she meant is that she missed him when she needed him most all the same if he could be available the next time, he would have been the most amazing husband. So can you see the analogy of such play?
In a similar case, on a Saturday morning I brought out a cloth to wash and my wife having noticed my intention to use detergent advised me on the contrary. However I insisted by telling her, Honey I want to use it for once after which I desist from it. And just before I could complete my statement she asked ‘Why?’ commonly, I would have felt insulted by her demand to know my reason, but I used uncommon mind to understand that she meant neither to insult me nor to disrespect her husband. But the consent of managing issues and how women respond to some issues made me to validate her thought without being insulted/offended.
WHAT THE WOMAN SHOULD HAVE SAID
In such times when the man comes back late to the house and the woman wants to head the peace keeping mission, instead of asking ‘why must you always come back late to this house’ she could say ‘welcome honey, how was the day’s activity? Hey, honey I missed my husband so much that I wished he could be making it a little bit earlier. Or honey I appreciate your efforts but don’t you think I miss you as such times and I think it is not safe coming back alone at such odd hours. Such response will create the impression in the man that his wife appreciates his efforts though his late coming is an impediment. The man then could say wow, honey I missed you too especially your interesting stories, I don’t worry I promise to do my very best all because of you. He has validated her feeling lonely and do promise to make it up.
The Win-Lose Principle
Every couple needs the basic understanding that marriage is not a win-win concept. And that is normal in every competition involving two teams. The two teams cannot win at the same time; it is either team A wins for team B to lose or the other way round. One of the variances as seen between a couple and a pair of competing teams is competition. Husband and wife are not competing for anything, they are one. What belongs to the man also belongs to the woman and vice versa. But when there is argument one must soft paddle for the other to land and carry the day. For example, your wife may be such that she likes it while she is in the kitchen doing cooking, you stay close by listening to her stories while helping her do some menial kitchen tasks, but to you, that cannot put food on your table. The win-lose principle demands that you join her as she wishes, then she wins while you lose and the love gains momentum. So for the sake of peace, love and her joy, the man has to soft-pedal, bury the pride and that in no way proves him as the foolish one. To the woman, your man may be such that that hate okra soup while it has been your favorite from mother’s womb, for his sake, this principle demands that you give up liking the soup for your man to win occasionally. So the win-lose principle in marriage demands sometimes you bury what you treasure but is disliked by your partner for peace to reign. It is such that when the woman is winning, the man is soft-pedaling.
THE PLACE OF COMPROMISE IN A HAPPY FAMILY LIFE
Two wrong doings have never made a right. When a partner offends the other and in turn the other decides to retaliate offensively, they have succeeded in recording two wrongs. There will be feelings of anger, hatred and the likes. But if the other had decided to let the sleeping dog lie, I think reconciliation would have been more tenable.
For the peace of a couple to be complete and easily achieved, the couple must learn to formally and informally agree to give some of the things they need. A little beat to the right and a little beat to the left balance the equilibrium. So in effect, the man should give up some things he wants so also the woman. I relate that to a ‘win-lose’ concept. When the man is having a say, the woman is compromising and in some other times, when woman is winning, the man compromises.
In one of my relationship talks with a group of women, a woman asked if it is fair for the man to out rightly ban okra soup which is his wife’s favorite soup in the house just because he dislikes okra soup. Of cause that is not the best thing to do. The man is free to dislike okra soup and the woman also is at liberty to love okra soup. In order to give everybody a fair share, it would have been fair if sometimes they cook the man’s favorite and some other times, they cook the woman’s favorite. In other words, the man should give up some of his wishes for the woman to have her way. And when she is happy, he is indirectly happy.
In the place of argument, to compromise entails the man burying his anger and pride and tolerate the woman’s ‘insults’ and on the other hand, the woman should see reason for the man to rage in anger..
THE PLACE OF BASIC UNDERSTANDING IN HAPPY FAMILY LIFE
Marriage is instituted primarily for companionship. In Genesis chapter 2, and God found out that it is not good for man to be alone, in other words God meant that it is not good for this my creature to be without a companion. God said I need to make for him another creature that will be suitable to him, who will join hands together with him for grater results. So God out of His magnanimity created a companion out of the man. But it is found out that this beautiful and awesome reason in some marriages is defeated. Couples don’t leave at peace, they live at logjam, argue and fight.
I attribute this failure to synchronize and live a happy life to failure to understand each other. When you go into a system with a wrong impression about the system, certainly you will be disappointed and that’s why couples get disappointed at each other, they have wrong impressions of their better half in them. So for cohesion and synchronization in the system, couple also, need to understand basically, what the system is made up of, how it operates, the make ups of the system and how to adopt or cope within the system. This analogy is applicable to marital relationship in exact terms.
For peace and harmony among couples, they need to understand each other to a reasonable extent and be ready to understand more. Sometimes, when I feel my wife has done something somehow not good to me, I hold my peace if she particularly, she is used to it, because I have the understanding that she must not always be right in my sense of judgment. In that case I should be ready to give up what I want-compromise.
So couples need the basic understanding that the other person is not a perfect creature or a saint either, we need the basic understanding that our partners are not flawless, so, there are things he or she may not get right and that’s why we are there-to join hands together and right the wrong. You need the basic understanding that he or she equally has good sides or highlights. There are things he or she does right and that should even be a consolidation in times of errors. You need the basic understanding that your partner can learn and unlearn consequently, if there are things she isn’t getting right, I can help her to learn the right and unlearn the wrong ones.
Everybody has a unique lifestyle so we are wired differently. When we have these basic understanding about our partners, it helps us to be happy or behave better when they arise. It helps us to hold our peace and teach him or her if you are tempted to be disappointed. Then you say hey! Sweetheart I think you got it wrong, don’t you think it should be done this way or the other way round
When couples don’t love each other enough and have refused to accept compromise, such things as coming to the house late, snoring habit, smoking habits, exit point etc may cause them to argue and develop animosity against each other.
I see arguments among couples as being brave and rude because they can nurture painful feelings and cause bitter experiences. Some other times, it results to fight, exchange of bitter and disrespectful words and causes the woman to feel unloved. Arguments have the tenacity to rid the happy family life and breed a low self esteem feeling within one person or more. This kind of argument is unhealthy in the happy family life.
Couples argue because they fail to understand each other and when one person develops unhealthy desire to prove a ‘rightful’ position
When they argue, the man becomes defensive and tries to invalidate the woman’s feelings; he fails to listen to the woman’s point of view but tries to prove the woman wrong when she is convinced to be right. When couples argue, the woman’s primary need is a listening ear so she craves to be heard, she just needed someone who can just listen to her and see reasons with her while the man is defensive, he gives a whole lot of reasons to prove and establish his cause.
As I said earlier, it is not bad to argue, but one of the things that make it bad is the tune of the woman in raising her view. This sends a wrong signal to the man which ignites fire in him through her tune of expression. The man being unaware of her intention gives a different meaning to the woman’s views and these, result to arguments. Let us consider some examples to buttress this point.
When the man comes back to the house at late hours: Many women hate such-the man coming back to the house at late hour especially when there is no justifiable cause. One of the primary love tips of women is companionship and communication through conversation. So when the man is not available to give her the company and listening ear she needed, she nurses some form of animosity and resentment within her. Consequently, she is feels shortchanged because of the man’s absence. When the man eventually returns, she may ask in an unfriendly manner such questions as ‘why must you always come back late to this house?’ Now the point she is trying to establish is that she really missed him, she needed him to keep her company and give her a listening ear. But what the man hears is ‘why are you so irresponsible that you are fond of wrong doing in this house of ours?’ Again the man sees that question as being commanding consequently he feels bad and insulted.
The man may feel that the woman is not even appreciative of his efforts to make ends meet in the house instead; she resorts to being rude insulting and commanding is his house. And of cause, he has to defend himself and give reasons for his late coming. Then, he may assert that she is unappreciative and senseless. He may ask ‘are you not aware that I am supposed to join an executive meeting that lasts for hours after work? The man is trying to defend his coming late in the most unfriendly manner because of the meaning he got from the woman’s question while the woman is wallowing in pains because he has failed to understand her, listen to her views. Of cause, the woman didn’t mean to call her man an irresponsible man but what she meant is that she missed him when she needed him most all the same if he could be available the next time, he would have been the most amazing husband. So can you see the analogy of such play?
In a similar case, on a Saturday morning I brought out a cloth to wash and my wife having noticed my intention to use detergent advised me on the contrary. However I insisted by telling her, Honey I want to use it for once after which I desist from it. And just before I could complete my statement she asked ‘Why?’ commonly, I would have felt insulted by her demand to know my reason, but I used uncommon mind to understand that she meant neither to insult me nor to disrespect her husband. But the consent of managing issues and how women respond to some issues made me to validate her thought without being insulted/offended.
WHAT THE WOMAN SHOULD HAVE SAID
In such times when the man comes back late to the house and the woman wants to head the peace keeping mission, instead of asking ‘why must you always come back late to this house’ she could say ‘welcome honey, how was the day’s activity? Hey, honey I missed my husband so much that I wished he could be making it a little bit earlier. Or honey I appreciate your efforts but don’t you think I miss you as such times and I think it is not safe coming back alone at such odd hours. Such response will create the impression in the man that his wife appreciates his efforts though his late coming is an impediment. The man then could say wow, honey I missed you too especially your interesting stories, I don’t worry I promise to do my very best all because of you. He has validated her feeling lonely and do promise to make it up.
The Win-Lose Principle
Every couple needs the basic understanding that marriage is not a win-win concept. And that is normal in every competition involving two teams. The two teams cannot win at the same time; it is either team A wins for team B to lose or the other way round. One of the variances as seen between a couple and a pair of competing teams is competition. Husband and wife are not competing for anything, they are one. What belongs to the man also belongs to the woman and vice versa. But when there is argument one must soft paddle for the other to land and carry the day. For example, your wife may be such that she likes it while she is in the kitchen doing cooking, you stay close by listening to her stories while helping her do some menial kitchen tasks, but to you, that cannot put food on your table. The win-lose principle demands that you join her as she wishes, then she wins while you lose and the love gains momentum. So for the sake of peace, love and her joy, the man has to soft-pedal, bury the pride and that in no way proves him as the foolish one. To the woman, your man may be such that that hate okra soup while it has been your favorite from mother’s womb, for his sake, this principle demands that you give up liking the soup for your man to win occasionally. So the win-lose principle in marriage demands sometimes you bury what you treasure but is disliked by your partner for peace to reign. It is such that when the woman is winning, the man is soft-pedaling.
Two wrong doings have never made a right. When a partner offends the other and in turn the other decides to retaliate offensively, they have succeeded in recording two wrongs. There will be feelings of anger, hatred and the likes. But if the other had decided to let the sleeping dog lie, I think reconciliation would have been more tenable.
For the peace of a couple to be complete and easily achieved, the couple must learn to formally and informally agree to give some of the things they need. A little beat to the right and a little beat to the left balance the equilibrium. So in effect, the man should give up some things he wants so also the woman. I relate that to a ‘win-lose’ concept. When the man is having a say, the woman is compromising and in some other times, when woman is winning, the man compromises.
In one of my relationship talks with a group of women, a woman asked if it is fair for the man to out rightly ban okra soup which is his wife’s favorite soup in the house just because he dislikes okra soup. Of cause that is not the best thing to do. The man is free to dislike okra soup and the woman also is at liberty to love okra soup. In order to give everybody a fair share, it would have been fair if sometimes they cook the man’s favorite and some other times, they cook the woman’s favorite. In other words, the man should give up some of his wishes for the woman to have her way. And when she is happy, he is indirectly happy.
In the place of argument, to compromise entails the man burying his anger and pride and tolerate the woman’s ‘insults’ and on the other hand, the woman should see reason for the man to rage in anger..
THE PLACE OF BASIC UNDERSTANDING IN HAPPY FAMILY LIFE
Marriage is instituted primarily for companionship. In Genesis chapter 2, and God found out that it is not good for man to be alone, in other words God meant that it is not good for this my creature to be without a companion. God said I need to make for him another creature that will be suitable to him, who will join hands together with him for grater results. So God out of His magnanimity created a companion out of the man. But it is found out that this beautiful and awesome reason in some marriages is defeated. Couples don’t leave at peace, they live at logjam, argue and fight.
I attribute this failure to synchronize and live a happy life to failure to understand each other. When you go into a system with a wrong impression about the system, certainly you will be disappointed and that’s why couples get disappointed at each other, they have wrong impressions of their better half in them. So for cohesion and synchronization in the system, couple also, need to understand basically, what the system is made up of, how it operates, the make ups of the system and how to adopt or cope within the system. This analogy is applicable to marital relationship in exact terms.
For peace and harmony among couples, they need to understand each other to a reasonable extent and be ready to understand more. Sometimes, when I feel my wife has done something somehow not good to me, I hold my peace if she particularly, she is used to it, because I have the understanding that she must not always be right in my sense of judgment. In that case I should be ready to give up what I want-compromise.
So couples need the basic understanding that the other person is not a perfect creature or a saint either, we need the basic understanding that our partners are not flawless, so, there are things he or she may not get right and that’s why we are there-to join hands together and right the wrong. You need the basic understanding that he or she equally has good sides or highlights. There are things he or she does right and that should even be a consolidation in times of errors. You need the basic understanding that your partner can learn and unlearn consequently, if there are things she isn’t getting right, I can help her to learn the right and unlearn the wrong ones.
Everybody has a unique lifestyle so we are wired differently. When we have these basic understanding about our partners, it helps us to be happy or behave better when they arise. It helps us to hold our peace and teach him or her if you are tempted to be disappointed. Then you say hey! Sweetheart I think you got it wrong, don’t you think it should be done this way or the other way round
When couples don’t love each other enough and have refused to accept compromise, such things as coming to the house late, snoring habit, smoking habits, exit point etc may cause them to argue and develop animosity against each other.
Saturday, 22 April 2017
BUILDING AND MAINTAINING A SOLID FOUNDATION FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP by Chisom Udochukwu Anyanwu
Everybody dreams to be in a relationship that is impressive
such relationship where love abound, needs are met. Women dream to hook up with a God fearing
handsome responsible man that will love and treat them like queens and the men
also wish to marry right lady who is homely and could be a mother to his kids
in fact everybody wishes to marry Mr. or Miss right as the case may be. Good
dream but unfortunately, not everybody end up as such. Instead some find
themselves in regrettable relationships. Instead of love, they fight and disagree
virtually over everything. Some hearts are broken, some regret being in such
relationship. Instead of living as friends and companions they live as cat and
dog. This is not acceptable. Every faulty relationship is a product of faulty
foundation. So for any relationship to succeed, a formidable foundation must be
laid and maintained.
God created man and found out that it is not good for the
man to be alone so He (God) made out of the man a help meet
In sharp twist, I want to encourage people getting married
to pay attention to components of a solid marriage foundation such as
understanding, readiness to compromise, trust, respect, love, Godliness,
appreciation, character, compatibility etc.
Due attention must be given to compatibility. Don't go into a relationship because he is tall, fair, has fleet of cars, establishments, handsome, wealthy, and sexy or because of physical factors that do not really count. Don't marry because she is beautiful, fair, tall, sexy, without stretch marks, slim, round hip etc. Honestly these things are good but what role do they have in building a long lasting relationship.
You must find out if you can really exist without conflict and if there could be, can you handle it amicably? Can he or she tolerate you weaknesses, can he be your confidant, strength when you are weak, and is he or she ready to put hands together with you for a better tomorrow? These and many more are crucial components that must be laid and settled before you consent.
Due attention must be given to compatibility. Don't go into a relationship because he is tall, fair, has fleet of cars, establishments, handsome, wealthy, and sexy or because of physical factors that do not really count. Don't marry because she is beautiful, fair, tall, sexy, without stretch marks, slim, round hip etc. Honestly these things are good but what role do they have in building a long lasting relationship.
You must find out if you can really exist without conflict and if there could be, can you handle it amicably? Can he or she tolerate you weaknesses, can he be your confidant, strength when you are weak, and is he or she ready to put hands together with you for a better tomorrow? These and many more are crucial components that must be laid and settled before you consent.
In this piece, my aim is to unravel some of the secretes
behind a successful and impressive relationship
1.
PREMARITAL S*X; ALWAYS SAY NO
One of the components of a solid foundation for a relationship is a sex-free-mind-set about the relationship. One of the effects of premarital sex lies in its ability to temper the sense of judgment of the partners. If partners can resist sex and its urge, they stand a better chance to reason better for their future. Premarital sex is common among our today’s youth. They pride in it and take it to mean fun. Fun or for whatever reason, the underlining truth is that premarital sex is a sin against God and nature. It portends to bring pleasure but the dangers outweigh its gains. Some of its dangers are condemnation before God, unwanted pregnancy, shame, loss of dignity, STIs, loss of pride. I speak particularly against premarital sex because it affects ones sense of judgment. If singles must have a successful relationship before marriage they must say no to sex. It is possible to wait and to achieve that, you must be conscious of the things you do, say and avoid being in solitary places.
Some times he may demand for sex as a proof of love to him. Sweetheart, there is a big difference between sex and love. Someone can have sex with you without loving you and someone else can love you without sex. sex is worth waiting for if he truly loves you. What if you give in and the relationship fails end in marriage. Sex is sacred and the prides of couples, please do not make it messy.
One of the components of a solid foundation for a relationship is a sex-free-mind-set about the relationship. One of the effects of premarital sex lies in its ability to temper the sense of judgment of the partners. If partners can resist sex and its urge, they stand a better chance to reason better for their future. Premarital sex is common among our today’s youth. They pride in it and take it to mean fun. Fun or for whatever reason, the underlining truth is that premarital sex is a sin against God and nature. It portends to bring pleasure but the dangers outweigh its gains. Some of its dangers are condemnation before God, unwanted pregnancy, shame, loss of dignity, STIs, loss of pride. I speak particularly against premarital sex because it affects ones sense of judgment. If singles must have a successful relationship before marriage they must say no to sex. It is possible to wait and to achieve that, you must be conscious of the things you do, say and avoid being in solitary places.
Some times he may demand for sex as a proof of love to him. Sweetheart, there is a big difference between sex and love. Someone can have sex with you without loving you and someone else can love you without sex. sex is worth waiting for if he truly loves you. What if you give in and the relationship fails end in marriage. Sex is sacred and the prides of couples, please do not make it messy.
2.
A PLACE FOR GOD: God is the architect of
marriage. If a building develops a fault as soon as it is completed, the person
in best position to remedy the problem is the architect that designed the
building so also it applies applicable to relationships. For a relationship to
be successful, the partners must give God a chance they must follow it as it
will bring glory to God. To give God a place in the relationship, the partners
must abhor sin and cleave to what is good. We are Christians and must do things the
Christian way for our Christianity to be complete.
3.
LEARN TO FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER: I like speaking on
forgiving hearts especially among partners because it is a powerful tool in
maintaining a solid foundation for relationship. Besides, as Christians we have
to forgive as Christ forgave his transgressors. Sometimes the offender may not
deserve the forgiveness yet forgive because it is a way of setting your mind
free of inconsequential things. I like how Apostle Paul sold the idea to the
Colossians
Since
God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with
tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and
forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must
forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe
yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony (Colossians
3:12-14)
So if anyone as a Christian desires an impressive
relationship, he must be kind, tender mercy, humble, gentle and patient. Character
is what trills people and make them to give their best. And there is a hidden
power behind forgiveness such power that can turn the heart of the offender to
turn back and ask for forgiveness. So I advocate for a forgiving heart if you
desire a formidable relationship.
4.
ESTABLISH LIMIT AND SET TARGETS: it is important
you set and define boundaries as soon as you find interest in each other. That
entails knowledge of what should be your dos and don’ts. Would we the lady
visit the man, would she assist him in home chores, do we hold hands together
while walking about, would it be healthy for us to study together, what are the things we will be doing together
and the ones we will not. Of course sex is out of the plan. State is in clear
terms, what you think will help you grow a better you both as an individual and
as partners and stick to that. One of the importance of doing so is to keep you
on track beside; it helps you to maintain a healthy relationship
5.
Building and maintaining a solid foundation for
relationship requires that the partners have BASIC UNDERSTANDING: ABOUT the
each other’s life style, character, likes, hobbies, weakness, strength. Need
the basic understanding that the person is not a perfect being so I have to create
room for surprises in form of disappointment. This will enable you to withstand
any shock and prepare you on how best to handle such. Need a basic
understanding that marriage is not a bed of roses, it is not always smooth
sometimes it could be rough. Couples may have romantic experience today and
have a quarrelsome tomorrow. Some come into the institution hoping that my man
will provide me with all that my parents couldn’t provide for me. Well, that is
unrealistic. Sometimes, a partner may be remembering a terrible experience that
can affect his or her moment or even romantic life. At such times, you don’t
expect your marriage to be rosy, it is rather a time to understand and support.
6.
AVOID BEING MATERIALISTIC: Being materialistic
is an excessive of being much concerned with material possessions;
money-oriented money inclined mindset. Having a successful relationship demands
that you don’t make materialism a first class priority. There are people with
such things as cars, houses, established and flourishing business, fat bank account,
physical beauty, sexy, handsome yet their joy is incomplete.
Anybody that wants to start a relationship must set
priorities and say okay before I affirm, I need to be this or that, I need to
possess this or that and so on. But it is not recommended that such person set
material possession a first class priority because these things do not really guarantee
a happy family life. I am not saying they are not important. Before I got into
a relationship with my wife, I knew within me that I needed someone who can
understand me, accept me and is ready to move forward with me. I knew my stand
and I did not hide anything from her nor did I pretend to be what I was not. I
did not say I need a working class woman who has a fat bank account, tall fair,
beautiful, from a wealthy family. These things are good but I did not make them
my top priority. When you are materialistic in your choice, you may end up in
the hands of someone that you may call a beast barstard, irresponsible man or
woman.
7.
BE PURPOSE DRIVEN: a relationship without a
defined purpose is like a journey without a destination. Before you go into a
relationship, you must have intentions good ones for that matter. What is your
reason for going into a relationship-money, marriage, job security etc. don’t
go into a relationship because your friends are into it. Be driven by your
purpose. Know what you want and go for it. You cannot want a fair man and think
twice when you see a somewhat fair man
8.
BE MODEST: Modesty should be your watch word as
people in a relationship or as people that intends to enter a relationship. In
your dressing be modest, in your communication, association, demand etc, be
modest. Even after you are married, you need to be modest. You don’t expect
your partner to be at ease with your extravagant life style, immodest dressing
or uncultured communication
9.
MATURITY/AGE: I met a lady in her early twenties
and she narrated how she was disappointed by a man that promised to marry her
since she was 18. Well that is not strange. Men come to young girls promising
heaven and earth only to disappoint them at the long run. Age and maturity is
important component of a successful relationship. You can’t be 15 and
relationship becomes a problem to you. At 15, the glory of your nature as a
woman is beginning to radiate and men like to take advantage of your ignorance.
10.
Fit for the purpose preparation. Almost everyone
who wishes to marry wants to marry the best in all ramifications. The ideal
bachelor wouldn’t want to marry a harlot, tout or drunkard. He would rather
marry a homely gentle kindhearted beautiful hard working understanding kind of
a woman. He wishes to marry a god fearing respectable and resourceful kind of
woman. On the other hand, any lady who dreams of marriage would wish to marry a
gentle god fearing hard working and creative. Ask any lady her dream man she
would say ‘I want a loving caring gentle kindhearted wealthy handsome man.
These are good wishes, to me but I must I add that birds of a feather flock
together. You cannot be Mr. Wrong to seek for miss right for partnership. You
cannot be a drunkard and have the intention to marry someone who hates
drinking, it is not mutually workable, it will not work out, and that relationship
is already heading to troubles. So what I am trying to establish is that if you
want to marry a handsome gentle god fearing man, you must make yourself a
beautiful gentle god fearing woman. If you want to marry a hardworking
dedicated resourceful respectful lady, you must make yourself a hardworking
dedicated resourceful and loving man. That is a sure way to give peace a
chance. . Engage in activities that will
build each other, put your partner’s interest and welfare at heart, encourage
each other when weak and celebrate your goodness/highlights by giving
commendations or condemnations when due.
11.
Prepare for expected and unexpected surprises.
We have read stories of someone taking his or her life because of
disappointment or failure to keep promises in a relationship. That is not a
wise decision. If you are into or dreams to go into a relationship, prepare for
surprises. They may come as expected or unexpectedly. Bear in mind that every
relationship must not lead to marriage, so if it happens that your relationship
fails to result to marriage, please accept it in good faith. Even as you offer
your very best, note that the relationship may end tomorrow. Then, you remember
that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Don’t go gaga if
it happens, comfort yourself and expect someone better
There are so many elements of a solid foundation for an
impressive relationship; these are just ten of the lot. Did you find the piece
an impressive one? Thank you so much for your time with me.
THE LIFE OF A CHILD
In my previous articles about a child, I talked about the crying of a child and the troubling of a child. In the former, we established that the cry of a child to his or her mother signifies the need for something which the mother will respond to. So as children of God, we also must cry accordingly to our Father in Heaven when we are in need for something and He will respond at His best time.
In the troubling of a child, we established that what seemed to constitute trouble in the real sense is the blessing of a home. We established what the parent needed to do in order to glow in the blessing. In this concluding episode, I want to write about the life of a child.
When I watch my little daughter-Isioma, do the things she does, I do find out that Children also have characters adults need to learn from and that forms the basis of this write up.
THE INNOCENT CHILD: Ideally, every child is innocent of corrupt nature. As people of faith, we need to be as innocent as children and abhor every corrupt practice within us.
THE FRIENDLINESS OF A CHILD: This is another character of a child worthy of emulation. A child is fond of smiling without boundary especially to a fellow child. They bear no grudges against anyone. But as adults, we have friends and enemies. We even hate someone who has done nothing to us. Please the children are teaching us to be friends to all.
THE INQUISITIVE NATURE OF A CHILD: Every child has this inquisitive nature. They would want to unmask every hidden thing just to know what it contains. They aren't lazy to inquire. That's why a child will ask his confidant about everything. They don't leave any mission inconclusive.
There are so many good things about a child. I may not have known it all. Feel free to share with us.
Thank you for your time with me. God bless you
Chisom U. A.