BUILDING AND MAINTAINING A SOLID FOUNDATION FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP by Chisom Udochukwu Anyanwu

Everybody dreams to be in a relationship that is impressive such relationship where love abound, needs are met.  Women dream to hook up with a God fearing handsome responsible man that will love and treat them like queens and the men also wish to marry right lady who is homely and could be a mother to his kids in fact everybody wishes to marry Mr. or Miss right as the case may be. Good dream but unfortunately, not everybody end up as such. Instead some find themselves in regrettable relationships. Instead of love, they fight and disagree virtually over everything. Some hearts are broken, some regret being in such relationship. Instead of living as friends and companions they live as cat and dog. This is not acceptable. Every faulty relationship is a product of faulty foundation. So for any relationship to succeed, a formidable foundation must be laid and maintained.

God created man and found out that it is not good for the man to be alone so He (God) made out of the man a help meet

and a companion. So God know that it is imperative that we relate with one another and have one intimate partner.

In sharp twist, I want to encourage people getting married to pay attention to components of a solid marriage foundation such as understanding, readiness to compromise, trust, respect, love, Godliness, appreciation, character, compatibility etc.
Due attention must be given to compatibility. Don't go into a relationship because he is tall, fair, has fleet of cars, establishments, handsome, wealthy, and sexy or because of physical factors that do not really count. Don't marry because she is beautiful, fair, tall, sexy, without stretch marks, slim, round hip etc. Honestly these things are good but what role do they have in building a long lasting relationship.
You must find out if you can really exist without conflict and if there could be, can you handle it amicably? Can he or she tolerate you weaknesses, can he be your confidant, strength when you are weak, and is he or she ready to put hands together with you for a better tomorrow? These and many more are crucial components that must be laid and settled before you consent.

In this piece, my aim is to unravel some of the secretes behind a successful and impressive relationship

1.       PREMARITAL S*X; ALWAYS SAY NO
One of the components of a solid foundation for a relationship is a sex-free-mind-set about the relationship. One of the effects of premarital sex lies in its ability to temper the sense of judgment of the partners. If partners can resist sex and its urge, they stand a better chance to reason better for their future. Premarital sex is common among our today’s youth. They pride in it and take it to mean fun. Fun or for whatever reason, the underlining truth is that premarital sex is a sin against God and nature. It portends to bring pleasure but the dangers outweigh its gains. Some of its dangers are condemnation before God, unwanted pregnancy, shame, loss of dignity, STIs, loss of pride. I speak particularly against premarital sex because it affects ones sense of judgment. If singles must have a successful relationship before marriage they must say no to sex. It is possible to wait and to achieve that, you must be conscious of the things you do, say and avoid being in solitary places.
Some times he may demand for sex as a proof of love to him. Sweetheart, there is a big difference between sex and love. Someone can have sex with you without loving you and someone else can love you without sex. sex is worth waiting for if he truly loves you. What if you give in and the relationship fails end in marriage. Sex is sacred and the prides of couples, please do not make it messy.

2.       A PLACE FOR GOD: God is the architect of marriage. If a building develops a fault as soon as it is completed, the person in best position to remedy the problem is the architect that designed the building so also it applies applicable to relationships. For a relationship to be successful, the partners must give God a chance they must follow it as it will bring glory to God. To give God a place in the relationship, the partners must abhor sin and cleave to what is good.  We are Christians and must do things the Christian way for our Christianity to be complete.

3.       LEARN TO FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER: I like speaking on forgiving hearts especially among partners because it is a powerful tool in maintaining a solid foundation for relationship. Besides, as Christians we have to forgive as Christ forgave his transgressors. Sometimes the offender may not deserve the forgiveness yet forgive because it is a way of setting your mind free of inconsequential things. I like how Apostle Paul sold the idea to the Colossians

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ¹⁴ Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony (Colossians 3:12-14)

So if anyone as a Christian desires an impressive relationship, he must be kind, tender mercy, humble, gentle and patient. Character is what trills people and make them to give their best. And there is a hidden power behind forgiveness such power that can turn the heart of the offender to turn back and ask for forgiveness. So I advocate for a forgiving heart if you desire a formidable relationship.

4.       ESTABLISH LIMIT AND SET TARGETS: it is important you set and define boundaries as soon as you find interest in each other. That entails knowledge of what should be your dos and don’ts. Would we the lady visit the man, would she assist him in home chores, do we hold hands together while walking about, would it be healthy for us to study together,  what are the things we will be doing together and the ones we will not. Of course sex is out of the plan. State is in clear terms, what you think will help you grow a better you both as an individual and as partners and stick to that. One of the importance of doing so is to keep you on track beside; it helps you to maintain a healthy relationship

5.       Building and maintaining a solid foundation for relationship requires that the partners have BASIC UNDERSTANDING: ABOUT the each other’s life style, character, likes, hobbies, weakness, strength. Need the basic understanding that the person is not a perfect being so I have to create room for surprises in form of disappointment. This will enable you to withstand any shock and prepare you on how best to handle such. Need a basic understanding that marriage is not a bed of roses, it is not always smooth sometimes it could be rough. Couples may have romantic experience today and have a quarrelsome tomorrow. Some come into the institution hoping that my man will provide me with all that my parents couldn’t provide for me. Well, that is unrealistic. Sometimes, a partner may be remembering a terrible experience that can affect his or her moment or even romantic life. At such times, you don’t expect your marriage to be rosy, it is rather a time to understand and support.

6.       AVOID BEING MATERIALISTIC: Being materialistic is an excessive of being much concerned with material possessions; money-oriented money inclined mindset. Having a successful relationship demands that you don’t make materialism a first class priority. There are people with such things as cars, houses, established and flourishing business, fat bank account, physical beauty, sexy, handsome yet their joy is incomplete.

Anybody that wants to start a relationship must set priorities and say okay before I affirm, I need to be this or that, I need to possess this or that and so on. But it is not recommended that such person set material possession a first class priority because these things do not really guarantee a happy family life. I am not saying they are not important. Before I got into a relationship with my wife, I knew within me that I needed someone who can understand me, accept me and is ready to move forward with me. I knew my stand and I did not hide anything from her nor did I pretend to be what I was not. I did not say I need a working class woman who has a fat bank account, tall fair, beautiful, from a wealthy family. These things are good but I did not make them my top priority. When you are materialistic in your choice, you may end up in the hands of someone that you may call a beast barstard, irresponsible man or woman.

7.       BE PURPOSE DRIVEN: a relationship without a defined purpose is like a journey without a destination. Before you go into a relationship, you must have intentions good ones for that matter. What is your reason for going into a relationship-money, marriage, job security etc. don’t go into a relationship because your friends are into it. Be driven by your purpose. Know what you want and go for it. You cannot want a fair man and think twice when you see a somewhat fair man

8.       BE MODEST: Modesty should be your watch word as people in a relationship or as people that intends to enter a relationship. In your dressing be modest, in your communication, association, demand etc, be modest. Even after you are married, you need to be modest. You don’t expect your partner to be at ease with your extravagant life style, immodest dressing or uncultured communication

9.       MATURITY/AGE: I met a lady in her early twenties and she narrated how she was disappointed by a man that promised to marry her since she was 18. Well that is not strange. Men come to young girls promising heaven and earth only to disappoint them at the long run. Age and maturity is important component of a successful relationship. You can’t be 15 and relationship becomes a problem to you. At 15, the glory of your nature as a woman is beginning to radiate and men like to take advantage of your ignorance.  

10.   Fit for the purpose preparation. Almost everyone who wishes to marry wants to marry the best in all ramifications. The ideal bachelor wouldn’t want to marry a harlot, tout or drunkard. He would rather marry a homely gentle kindhearted beautiful hard working understanding kind of a woman. He wishes to marry a god fearing respectable and resourceful kind of woman. On the other hand, any lady who dreams of marriage would wish to marry a gentle god fearing hard working and creative. Ask any lady her dream man she would say ‘I want a loving caring gentle kindhearted wealthy handsome man. These are good wishes, to me but I must I add that birds of a feather flock together. You cannot be Mr. Wrong to seek for miss right for partnership. You cannot be a drunkard and have the intention to marry someone who hates drinking, it is not mutually workable, it will not work out, and that relationship is already heading to troubles. So what I am trying to establish is that if you want to marry a handsome gentle god fearing man, you must make yourself a beautiful gentle god fearing woman. If you want to marry a hardworking dedicated resourceful respectful lady, you must make yourself a hardworking dedicated resourceful and loving man. That is a sure way to give peace a chance. .  Engage in activities that will build each other, put your partner’s interest and welfare at heart, encourage each other when weak and celebrate your goodness/highlights by giving commendations or condemnations when due.

11.   Prepare for expected and unexpected surprises. We have read stories of someone taking his or her life because of disappointment or failure to keep promises in a relationship. That is not a wise decision. If you are into or dreams to go into a relationship, prepare for surprises. They may come as expected or unexpectedly. Bear in mind that every relationship must not lead to marriage, so if it happens that your relationship fails to result to marriage, please accept it in good faith. Even as you offer your very best, note that the relationship may end tomorrow. Then, you remember that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Don’t go gaga if it happens, comfort yourself and expect someone better

There are so many elements of a solid foundation for an impressive relationship; these are just ten of the lot. Did you find the piece an impressive one? Thank you so much for your time with me.

THE LIFE OF A CHILD

In my previous articles about a child, I talked about the crying of a child and the troubling of a child. In the former, we established that the cry of a child to his or her mother signifies the need for something which the mother will respond to. So as children of God, we also must cry accordingly to our Father in Heaven when we are in need for something and He will respond at His best time.
In the troubling of a child, we established that what seemed to constitute trouble in the real sense is the blessing of a home. We established what the parent needed to do in order to glow in the blessing. In this concluding episode, I want to write about the life of a child.
When I watch my little daughter-Isioma, do the things she does, I do find out that Children also have characters adults need to learn from and that forms the basis of this write up.
THE INNOCENT CHILD: Ideally, every child is innocent of corrupt nature. As people of faith, we need to be as innocent as children and abhor every corrupt practice within us.
THE FRIENDLINESS OF A CHILD: This is another character of a child worthy of emulation. A child is fond of smiling without boundary especially to a fellow child. They bear no grudges against anyone. But as adults, we have friends and enemies. We even hate someone who has done nothing to us. Please the children are teaching us to be friends to all.
THE INQUISITIVE NATURE OF A CHILD: Every child has this inquisitive nature. They would want to unmask every hidden thing just to know what it contains. They aren't lazy to inquire. That's why a child will ask his confidant about everything. They don't leave any mission inconclusive.
There are so many good things about a child. I may not have known it all. Feel free to share with us.
Thank you for your time with me. God bless you
Chisom U. A.