IT PAYS TO WAIT

I have the urge to encourage those beautiful queens who have decided to maintain Gods standard as it relates to sex before marriage especially those, who by such decision have remained unbroken. I read the case of teenager who was being mocked for choosing to remain a virgin. Well that is not unusual; we live in a society where abstinence has little or no value.

I heard the story of man who went to honor a parents and teachers meeting invitation in his son’s school. Well the goal of the meeting was to demonstrate to the parents what the school is doing to encourage abstinence. After a while in the meeting, there was a break and the principal asked that everybody move back for light refreshment. He also encouraged everybody to pick a name tag and fix it on their cloth and then move around and have handshakes with people. Everybody except the man did as the principal said. The principal did all he could to push the man do what the others were doing but the man had a firm resolution not to join the others in what they are doing so he absolutely abstained. At the end, the principal explained that there is a name tag that has a flower shape, ‘who has it?’ one man behind said ‘I do.’ So the man came out, and the principal identified the people that had a direct and indirect handshake with him. At the end, virtually everybody had a direct or indirect handshake with the man.

The principal maintained that it is assumed that the flower is HIV while the handshake is a mode of transmission. That being the case, it implies everybody has knowingly or unknowingly contracted the virus. Finally he explained that there was an exception-someone who refused to compromise his stand, he abstained from doing what the others are doing.

And that is the key lesson in this story-total abstinence, refusal to compromise a standard pays.

To remain pure, you must be mindful of the friends you keep. Some friends have lost what you have and may try to lure you into their court. They may mock you and laugh at you. May I give you a key? If they mock you, tell them you know whom you and where you are. You are what you are and they are what they are you can be where they are at any time of your choice but they cannot be where you are anymore. Give yourself such encouragement. Go with people of a like mind. If possible, discuss what have helped you to remain pure, some of the challenges and how to overcome it among yourselves-(people of a like mind).

Write out your reasons for abstaining and remind yourself of the reasons more often

Chose and Control the environment/situations you visit

Recall that it is challenging to move against the crowd

Avoid sexual behaviors or sexually related activities that can compromise your standard.

So I encourage those our damsels to maintain their standard and do not compromise in that aspect. Do not be pushed by what the others are doing but be resolute about maintaining the standard-in this case the Bible standard.

It really pays beside; you are saving yourself from so much harm if you have decided to remain pure

THE AUDACITY OF ARGUMENT AMONG COUPLES

Normally, argument is a conversation/discussion in which two or more people disagree, often angrily. So in this context we are talking about the audacity of argument among married people or people that intend to marry. Because of the difference in oneness, couples sometimes have different views about an issue, consequently, while expressing their different views in other to come to a conclusion, they may engage in such a discussion. Ideally, discussions should not be hurtful. It is a way of expressing individual views. But in practice, it is not so. Couples argue in which most times result to exchange of bitter words, fighting disenchantment disrespect etc. Arguments handled in the most responsible way enable the couple chose the best available option before them and for this to happen, the woman must learn how best to present issues such that it will not be construed to mean a different thing and the man must understand that women sometimes present issues in a manner that differs from their intending meanings.
I see arguments among couples as being brave and rude because they can nurture painful feelings and cause bitter experiences. Some other times, it results to fight, exchange of bitter and disrespectful words and causes the woman to feel unloved. Arguments have the tenacity to rid the happy family life and breed a low self esteem feeling within one person or more. This kind of argument is unhealthy in the happy family life.
Couples argue because they fail to understand each other and when one person develops unhealthy desire to prove a ‘rightful’ position
When they argue, the man becomes defensive and tries to invalidate the woman’s feelings; he fails to listen to the woman’s point of view but tries to prove the woman wrong when she is convinced to be right. When couples argue, the woman’s primary need is a listening ear so she craves to be heard, she just needed someone who can just listen to her and see reasons with her while the man is defensive, he gives a whole lot of reasons to prove and establish his cause.
As I said earlier, it is not bad to argue, but one of the things that make it bad is the tune of the woman in raising her view. This sends a wrong signal to the man which ignites fire in him through her tune of expression. The man being unaware of her intention gives a different meaning to the woman’s views and these, result to arguments. Let us consider some examples to buttress this point.
When the man comes back to the house at late hours: Many women hate such-the man coming back to the house at late hour especially when there is no justifiable cause. One of the primary love tips of women is companionship and communication through conversation. So when the man is not available to give her the company and listening ear she needed, she nurses some form of animosity and resentment within her. Consequently, she is feels shortchanged because of the man’s absence. When the man eventually returns, she may ask in an unfriendly manner such questions as ‘why must you always come back late to this house?’ Now the point she is trying to establish is that she really missed him, she needed him to keep her company and give her a listening ear. But what the man hears is ‘why are you so irresponsible that you are fond of wrong doing in this house of ours?’ Again the man sees that question as being commanding consequently he feels bad and insulted.
The man may feel that the woman is not even appreciative of his efforts to make ends meet in the house instead; she resorts to being rude insulting and commanding is his house. And of cause, he has to defend himself and give reasons for his late coming. Then, he may assert that she is unappreciative and senseless. He may ask ‘are you not aware that I am supposed to join an executive meeting that lasts for hours after work? The man is trying to defend his coming late in the most unfriendly manner because of the meaning he got from the woman’s question while the woman is wallowing in pains because he has failed to understand her, listen to her views. Of cause, the woman didn’t mean to call her man an irresponsible man but what she meant is that she missed him when she needed him most all the same if he could be available the next time, he would have been the most amazing husband. So can you see the analogy of such play?
In a similar case, on a Saturday morning I brought out a cloth to wash and my wife having noticed my intention to use detergent advised me on the contrary. However I insisted by telling her, Honey I want to use it for once after which I desist from it. And just before I could complete my statement she asked ‘Why?’ commonly, I would have felt insulted by her demand to know my reason, but I used uncommon mind to understand that she meant neither to insult me nor to disrespect her husband. But the consent of managing issues and how women respond to some issues made me to validate her thought without being insulted/offended.
WHAT THE WOMAN SHOULD HAVE SAID
In such times when the man comes back late to the house and the woman wants to head the peace keeping mission, instead of asking ‘why must you always come back late to this house’ she could say ‘welcome honey, how was the day’s activity? Hey, honey I missed my husband so much that I wished he could be making it a little bit earlier. Or honey I appreciate your efforts but don’t you think I miss you as such times and I think it is not safe coming back alone at such odd hours. Such response will create the impression in the man that his wife appreciates his efforts though his late coming is an impediment. The man then could say wow, honey I missed you too especially your interesting stories, I don’t worry I promise to do my very best all because of you. He has validated her feeling lonely and do promise to make it up.
The Win-Lose Principle
Every couple needs the basic understanding that marriage is not a win-win concept. And that is normal in every competition involving two teams. The two teams cannot win at the same time; it is either team A wins for team B to lose or the other way round. One of the variances as seen between a couple and a pair of competing teams is competition. Husband and wife are not competing for anything, they are one. What belongs to the man also belongs to the woman and vice versa. But when there is argument one must soft paddle for the other to land and carry the day. For example, your wife may be such that she likes it while she is in the kitchen doing cooking, you stay close by listening to her stories while helping her do some menial kitchen tasks, but to you, that cannot put food on your table. The win-lose principle demands that you join her as she wishes, then she wins while you lose and the love gains momentum. So for the sake of peace, love and her joy, the man has to soft-pedal, bury the pride and that in no way proves him as the foolish one. To the woman, your man may be such that that hate okra soup while it has been your favorite from mother’s womb, for his sake, this principle demands that you give up liking the soup for your man to win occasionally. So the win-lose principle in marriage demands sometimes you bury what you treasure but is disliked by your partner for peace to reign. It is such that when the woman is winning, the man is soft-pedaling.

THE PLACE OF COMPROMISE IN A HAPPY FAMILY LIFE
Two wrong doings have never made a right. When a partner offends the other and in turn the other decides to retaliate offensively, they have succeeded in recording two wrongs. There will be feelings of anger, hatred and the likes. But if the other had decided to let the sleeping dog lie, I think reconciliation would have been more tenable.
For the peace of a couple to be complete and easily achieved, the couple must learn to formally and informally agree to give some of the things they need. A little beat to the right and a little beat to the left balance the equilibrium. So in effect, the man should give up some things he wants so also the woman. I relate that to a ‘win-lose’ concept. When the man is having a say, the woman is compromising and in some other times, when woman is winning, the man compromises.
In one of my relationship talks with a group of women, a woman asked if it is fair for the man to out rightly ban okra soup which is his wife’s favorite soup in the house just because he dislikes okra soup. Of cause that is not the best thing to do. The man is free to dislike okra soup and the woman also is at liberty to love okra soup. In order to give everybody a fair share, it would have been fair if sometimes they cook the man’s favorite and some other times, they cook the woman’s favorite. In other words, the man should give up some of his wishes for the woman to have her way. And when she is happy, he is indirectly happy.
In the place of argument, to compromise entails the man burying his anger and pride and tolerate the woman’s ‘insults’ and on the other hand, the woman should see reason for the man to rage in anger..
THE PLACE OF BASIC UNDERSTANDING IN HAPPY FAMILY LIFE
Marriage is instituted primarily for companionship. In Genesis chapter 2, and God found out that it is not good for man to be alone, in other words God meant that it is not good for this my creature to be without a companion. God said I need to make for him another creature that will be suitable to him, who will join hands together with him for grater results. So God out of His magnanimity created a companion out of the man. But it is found out that this beautiful and awesome reason in some marriages is defeated. Couples don’t leave at peace, they live at logjam, argue and fight.
I attribute this failure to synchronize and live a happy life to failure to understand each other. When you go into a system with a wrong impression about the system, certainly you will be disappointed and that’s why couples get disappointed at each other, they have wrong impressions of their better half in them. So for cohesion and synchronization in the system, couple also, need to understand basically, what the system is made up of, how it operates, the make ups of the system and how to adopt or cope within the system. This analogy is applicable to marital relationship in exact terms.
For peace and harmony among couples, they need to understand each other to a reasonable extent and be ready to understand more. Sometimes, when I feel my wife has done something somehow not good to me, I hold my peace if she particularly, she is used to it, because I have the understanding that she must not always be right in my sense of judgment. In that case I should be ready to give up what I want-compromise.
So couples need the basic understanding that the other person is not a perfect creature or a saint either, we need the basic understanding that our partners are not flawless, so, there are things he or she may not get right and that’s why we are there-to join hands together and right the wrong. You need the basic understanding that he or she equally has good sides or highlights. There are things he or she does right and that should even be a consolidation in times of errors. You need the basic understanding that your partner can learn and unlearn consequently, if there are things she isn’t getting right, I can help her to learn the right and unlearn the wrong ones.
Everybody has a unique lifestyle so we are wired differently. When we have these basic understanding about our partners, it helps us to be happy or behave better when they arise. It helps us to hold our peace and teach him or her if you are tempted to be disappointed. Then you say hey! Sweetheart I think you got it wrong, don’t you think it should be done this way or the other way round
When couples don’t love each other enough and have refused to accept compromise, such things as coming to the house late, snoring habit, smoking habits, exit point etc may cause them to argue and develop animosity against each other.