In this article, I want to discuss three proven fundamental principles that foster peace, love and prosperity in the home among couples. It is in line with our core values to see that couples live in peace loving like never before and prosper in their best context.
It is so unfortunate that the peace and love of many of our homes
have become a mirage (something illusory and unattainable).
Some are inverted that instead of peace and love, they have hatred and envy,
instead of prospering at peak; they are declining to the cradle. No wonder many
homes are in danger; the rate of divorce in our contemporary is high. As if
that is not enough, partners take pride in the breaking their hearts in the
name of breaking the hearts of their partners,
But that is the not original plan of God who initiated
homes. God’s intention for bringing you together is that you will live in peace
multiply and be fruitful
During courtship, the spirit are high, the man can do
anything to please his fiancée the same with the woman. They do virtually
everything together. But one year into the marriage life, the story becomes
sore, the man and the woman do not sleep together anymore, if they do, they
sleep in parts. I was in a marriage seminar where a woman was complaining that
her husband dose not appreciate anything at all, he nags as if he is the most
nagging man in town, he doesn’t buy anything for her and all sorts of that.
According to her the only thing that the man is good at is going after little
girls. But that is an embarrassment to your woman. What these men who chase
women do not know is that they are embarrassing their wives. Your nakedness is
the pride of your wife; your p*nis is her personal and hidden property which
you should hold tenaciously. Sleeping with other women is a direct and indirect
in way of belittling your wife, you have failed to respect her.
With apologies, any man that finds pleasure sleeping around
without remorse is irresponsible. The worst is that most of these men cannot
even drive the woman home sexually, because they have lost their God given
driving license.
We cannot continue like this as Christians, the peace of our
homes is in our hands only if we are ready to pay the price. There is power in
togetherness as a couple, if you are parted, the grace departs;
Your unity or togetherness as a couple is the greatest area
of interest for the devil
Ecclesiastic 9:9 says Live joyfully with the wife whom you
love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all
your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which
you perform under the sun. The New International Version puts it like this
‘Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless
life that God has given you under the sun-all your meaningless days, for this
is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.
Any couple that is living at logjam in their marriage for
whatsoever reason is messing up God divine instruction because we were asked to
enjoy and to not fight, quarrel and bear seeds of hatred against each other.
God brought you together to go and live and be happy and enjoy life together.
Marriage is a holy mystery in which man and woman become one
flesh. The day they started living as parts is the day the institution begins
to break and the devil will start looking for ways to come in. The unity or
togetherness of a couple is the main target of the devil. He is aware that as
one body, you are stronger but as parts, you are weaker. When the serpent did come
and deceived Eve? That was when Adam was not around. Had it been that Adam was
around, the serpent may not have succeeded.
The purpose of God in marriage is that husband and wife be
united. An excerpt from the Anglican Book of Common Prayer says ‘it is God’s
purpose that as husband and wife give themselves to each other in love
throughout their lives, they shall be united in love as Christ is united with
His Church to
©
Comfort and help each other
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Live faithfully together in need and in plenty
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To know, understand and appreciate each other in
love
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Have children, bringing them up in the way of
the Lord
©
Share feelings together, enhancing companionship
Happiness of any home is a choice
made by the couple. It does not just happen. Someone will swallow his ego or
pride for peace at every point in time. Two wrongs cannot make a right. If the
man steps on the woman’s feet and the woman decide to retaliate, they only
succeeded in recording two wrongs, increasing the risk of violence, hatred and
animosity. But if the woman can be bold and wise enough to bury her ego, the
man as a human being will be judged by his conscience. So the woman has made a
room for apology. On no account should a couple let their quarrel linger. Some people’s
decision is that every quarrel must be resolved before bed time and that is
pretty good. In this regard I came up with the following principle that can
help to keep and foster peace and love in our homes;
The Win-Lose Principle
Every couple needs the basic
understanding that marriage is not a win-win concept. And that is normal in
every competition involving two teams. The two teams cannot win at the same time;
it is either team A wins for team B to lose or the other way round. One of the
variances as seen between a couple and a pair of competing teams is competition.
Husband and wife are not competing for anything, they are one. What belongs to
the man also belongs to the woman and vice versa. But when there is argument
one must soft paddle for the other to land and carry the day. For example, your
wife may be such that she likes it while she in the kitchen doing cooking, you
stay close by listening to her stories while helping her do some menials
kitchen tasks, but to you, that cannot put food on your table. The win-lose
principle demands that you join her as she wishes, then she wins while you lose
and the love gains momentum. So for the sake of peace, love and her joy, you
have soft-pedal, bury your pride and that in no way proves you as the foolish one.
To the woman, you man may be such that that hate okra soup while it has been
your favorite from mother’s womb, for his sake, this principle demands that you
give up liking the soup for your man to win. So the win-lose principle in
marriage demands sometimes you bury what you treasure but is disliked by your
partner for peace to reign. It is such
that when the woman is winning, the man is soft-pedaling,
Understanding and Singing the Love Language of My Partner
A couple is two distinct persons
from a different background, with different up bringing coming together to live
as one. In most cases the cultures of the environment they grew up also vary.
So each person has a unique lifestyle. Love Languages in this context, is what
could trigger the love of a person completely different from you. These two
people that have been united have different things that can activate the love
in each other. At the initial time, during courtship, the man may be singing
the love language of his fiancée and same with the woman and that is why the
spirit looks high. For example, when I was courting my wife, I realize she is
such that appreciates it so much when I wash her ‘undies,’ and in the bit to
make her happy, I do that. But after our marriage, I stopped that and I know
that it did not really augur well with her. In the context of singing her love
language, I had to bury my pride and promote that joy in her. So, singing the
love language of your partner entails you understand those things which as a
human being, could make her feel extra-ordinary happy which may not really be
pleasing to you. To some women, it may be assisting them do some house chores,
listening to their stories even when it may seem ‘stupid’ to you, allowing them
time to visit their parent etc while to some men it may be ensuring that the
house is always in order, cooking delicacies, etc.
The principle of submission and
understanding
In 1Peter 3:1, 7, the bible
outlines what the man and the woman should do in order to promote peace at
home. The bible understands the inherent nature of man and woman, the man
naturally likes being respected as the head of the home while the woman likes
being cared for. If the man or the woman fails to abide by this instruction
there is bound to be strife.
1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own
husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be
won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct
accompanied by fear, 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging
the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel- 4 rather let it be the
hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet
spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. (1Peter 3:1, 7)
From this we understand that
women’s submission to their husbands wins the heart of their men. In my house I
experience such and my wife’s submission and gentles calms my nerves and makes
me see reasons from her angle. That is the power of submission which defines
the beauty of a woman. Some women are so
much concerned about their outward appearance while leaving behind the beauty
of the heart. Each should not reign at the expense of the other.
Husbands, likewise, should deal
with their wives with understanding, give honor
to the wife, see them as the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the
grace of life, so that your prayers will be heard. A husband who sleeps around
has not respected his wife; a husband who beats the wife has not respected the
wife but has promoted seed of discord and disunity.
Peace which is supreme is in our hands;
please do give peace a chance in your home.
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